My name is Bond – Covalent Bond. (And other chemistry jokes)

Science Jokes 1:

What do you do to a dead chemist?
Barium!

What does a meteorologist get after a night of heavy drinking?
Rear flank downdraft

How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.

Mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-3023

How do you get lean molecules?
Feed them titrations.

“I can’t believe it,” said the tourist to calgary. “I’ve been here an entire week and it’s done nothing but snow. When do you have summer here?”
“Well, that’s hard to say,” replied the local. “Last year, it was on a Wednesday.”

Little Jonny was a chemist.
Little Jonny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4

i to π: Be rational.
π to i: Get real.

It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record…

What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
The ‘wave’.

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?
If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.
If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.
If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

What do you do to a sick chemist?
Curium.

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